finds me greeting classmates
i haven't seen or talked with
in years, or decades
and it's surreal
how everything has changed
and yet it can feel
like nothing has changed
good and bad
how the flood of insecurities
can come rushing back
and the introvert conflict
of how to have a
meaningful conversation
about years of experiences
in just a few minutes
and i find myself resorting to
talking about achievements
and justifying {and bragging}
about where and why i am
and it's just awkward
as i'm evaluating
my own expectations
of them
and wondering how
they are evaluating me
or maybe
that simultaneous thought process
only happens to introverts
...
and as i interact with teens
and raise teens
i reflect on how those
k-12 experiences
in pella, iowa
live on forever
in the memories
that we each have
consciously
or subconsciously
...
fortunately
technology keeps the world smaller
these days
facebook
instragram
snapchat
yes, i'm a social media junkie
avoided snapchat for a long while
but the filters are fun
and a bedtime filtered selfie
is a great reward for my youngest son
...
so yes, thursday afternoon
i did walk in the parade
and saw a lot of people
some who recognized me
others who didn't
because although
my health screening is nearly perfect
with low blood pressure
low glucose
and great cholesterol
my BMI is the worst
it's ever been
don't judge a book
by it's cover
i'm still in a season of anxiety meds
and with that
has come significantly
more of me to hug
...
but sometimes i think
there's something about
appearing imperfect
that makes me approachable
like a the parade friday
where i was hiding
behind mirrored sunglasses
and a hat
that kept me invisible
from the people i knew
but prompted many visitors
to ask if i was local
and if i could help them
with directions
which i gladly did
because
approachable is one of my life goals
...
my life goal
is to be known for my character
and i aspire for my character
to be known as
available, "safe", approachable
generous, forgiving, caring
influencing, thoughtful, inspiring
positive, healthy, well-balanced
confidential, trusted, confidant
celebrating "smalls", laughing
transparent
intentional
enabler
connected
SO NOW THAT YOU KNOW
if i'm not those things
please hold me accountable
...
back in january 2013
i was at an unsettled pivot
where i finally put to paper
a picture of words
that became
my life evaluation
and i headlined it
{because i'm a headline hoarder}
--publicly anonymous,
personally known and needed--
and i included 2 quotes
"there are only two ways to live your life. one is though nothing is a miracle. the other is as though everything is a miracle."
"go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face, but with great and strong purpose in your heart."
and i started accumulating a list
to what i've always found
to be such a hard question
to answer
question is:
if there were no barriers
and you could do anything
what would you do?
WHAT would you do?
what WOULD you do?
what would YOU do?
what would you DO?
and over the years
i've started paying attention
to the things
that catch my eye
that give me goosebumps
that peek my interest
...and they are...
life coaching / mentoring
angel tree counselor
story teller
respite care foster home
hospice volunteer
victim advocate
and ultimately
epitomize the character
of my 3 parents
...
and now
this thought process
is interrupted
because
i just realized
that the new Bachelorette
season has begun!
it's true, i like reality tv
i regularly watch
Bachelor/Bachelorette
Survivor
Amazing Race
Jeopardy
UFC most saturday nights
InkMaster (or any tattoo show)
Gold Rush
Gold Rush Parker's Trails
Dr Pimple Popper
-tvz
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