they were headed out on a mission trip to Baja Mexico until June 30
it's a 2-week trip
last year Lance went with the week 2 group
this year he knew he wanted to be there for both weeks
and without any hesitation i was supportive
he was asked to be a leader of one of the 4 homes to be built within those 2 weeks
and we were able to also sponsor our dear friend Mason to join Lance for week 2
during this time
my employer graciously allowed me to flexibly work a 50% schedule
from home
for almost 3 weeks
so i could be home with our son trio
while he was away i mentally [and now literally] wrote my longest blog ever
i intended to:
- workout every day
- continue my recent adoption of low-calorie low-carb diet
- lose 5-10# (based upon the 2 factors above)
- get through my large pile of accumulated professional readings
- deep clean several areas
- maybe paint a wall?
- average 4-5 hours work/day
- love the time with the boys
- and most of all, RELAX
while he was away
here's how it actually went
[most of these stories best shared in-person,
so just going to capture the short thoughts so i don't forget]
excluding the around-town driving to and from practices and errands
i spent an average of 59 miles on the road per day for 16 days
significantly different than my 6-mile round-trip daily commute
and if you didn't know, i have a HUGE FEAR of traveling by myself
Friday, June 15
dropped you off at the airport
after listening to you and Curt talk about city street construction on the drive to DSM :)
rushed back to Pella for Davis swim lesson
first of several swim lessons where Davis was super uncooperative for Miss Jennie
and he was frustrated that i couldn't change him in the men's locker room
instead he had to follow me to the yellow girls locker room
first night alone i woke up to one of our cats crying - it's a special scary sound
i got up to see if boys had failed to provide food, water, and clean litter box
all was fine
cat kept crying
was the sister cat missing?
i got up a 2nd time
found her
cat kept crying
had our dog died?
he was 13 and we sensed his end was nearing
i got up a 3rd time
dog was breathing fine
cat kept crying
tucked her in bed, under the covers, by Lance's pillow
quite certain she was missing him
hoping like heck that wasn't going to continue for 15 more nights!!
fortunately it didn't
Saturday, June 16
invited our 4yo friend Peter to come and play Saturday night
children are always easier/happier when there is a friend to play with that isn't blood related
Sunday, June 17
Father's Day
since the dad of our family was gone
and the dad of my sisters family was gone
we invited ourselves to my mom's house for lunch
and my dad got our sole celebratory attention :)
i also strategically brought my Walmart list along
so i could leave the boy trio at mom & dad's while i shopped in solo peace
Monday, June 18
brought Avery to camp in Eldora (aka 2-hour trip)
thank you mom for riding along with me!
by this point i had done zero exercise
and battling to maintain low cal/carb diet
[at work the day revolves around meetings,
at home i learned the day revolves around feedings]
so i completely bailed on plan A
and we stopped at Jersey Freeze in Monroe on our way home
for BBQ pork sandwiches and the best.icecream.ever!
and proceeded to have ice cream every day from then on :)
so now my son trio is down to a son duo
Tuesday, June 19
it's clear Carver is my unofficial work-time tracker
holding me tightly accountable to not working too much
Davis had a therapy appointment
something i don't normally go along to
was good for me to be able to ask some questions
in the context of my previous days of more heightened observation/awareness
Davis struggles with putting puzzle pieces together and other small motor pinching
she gave some great suggestions
and of course, my mom had a random odd stash of large beads for Davis to string :)
swim meet for Carver that night at Knoxville
so thankful for another family that picked him up and brought him
attending a swim meet with Davis was not an option
i had to write Carver's swim meet info on his arm with a marker
something Lance has always previously done...
and since i was drawing with marker on Carver's arm
of course Davis wanted the same
so i did
sent Carver to the swim meet with a post-it
so he could record how he did and tell me about it when he got home
very proud he clearly noted it all on the post-it, and had achieved several personal bests!
Wednesday, June 20
Carver fell asleep in my bed Tuesday night after the swim meet
and was awakened at 4AM by Lance's fire page - which doesn't faze me at all
freaked Carver out until i convinced him to role over
dog was vertical, so i let him out to go potty (before it got 90 degrees by 9am)
he struggled to get up the stairs to come back in the house
and meanwhile one of the cats got outside
so at 4:15AM i was outside in PJs with a flashlight saying "here kitty kitty kitty"
and hoping the dog had mustered the strength to get in the house
and that cat #2 hadn't escaped
by 4:30a i delightfully crawled back in bed
packed Carver who was leaving to camp on Thursday
that evening got a text that one of our best friends was hospitalized
following an unexpected appendectomy
made me think about how Lance is an awesome supportive friend, but he was gone
Thursday, June 21
took Carver to his first-ever overnight camp in Des Moines
thanks mom for riding along ...again!
then left Davis at mom's for awhile
while i went to the hospital and spent time with our friends impatiently waiting to be released
picked up Davis
strange feeling at home when your family of 5 is now only 2
so i quickly offered to make a trip to my sisters farm
to pickup fresh garden veggies [and help pass some time]
Friday, June 22
first major miles alone
had an offer from someone else to pickup Avery from camp
but i so treasure that captive time in the van together
listening to how his week was
so i confronted my fear, and drove the 2 hours on my own [with Davis watching a movie]
i had the assurance that there were many others from Pella traveling to/from Eldora too
and i could quickly call on them if there was anything i needed along the way
it was SO GOOD to see Avery!
first thing he told me is that his back pain had flared back up, but on the opposite side
ugh
not what i was prepared for
and he had 2 baseball games to play that night
stopped at Jersey Freeze for ice cream on the way home :)
Avery's back did not tolerate baseball that night
he had walked off the field in unexplained excruciating pain
and i was regretting that we had cancelled the CT scan that had been scheduled for June 14
seems hind sight always 20/20
and my emotional rock was gone
and my oldest son was hurting
and my middle son was still at camp
and my youngest son is only 4
and my parents were in Minnesota
and my sister was camping
and texting my friends was only partially lifting me
out of my pit of anxious loneliness
Saturday, June 23
i slept so few hours
our friend Mason was leaving early that morning to fly out and join Lance in BAJA
so i was tracking his travel plans - complete with unexpected changes and cancellations
i was clueless caregiver for Avery's back
and worst of all i was completely paranoid about driving to DSM alone with Davis to pickup Carver
i battled a panic attach the entire duration
at one point wasn't sure if i was going to safely make it
and that fed the anxiety as i worried about caring Carver's reaction if his mom wasn't there to get him
i turned off the cruise, i turned off the music
and i pleaded with God in audible prayer to safely get me to DSM, to Carver
not sure i've ever felt as weak or vulnerable as i did those 50 miles
and Carver has no idea how seeing and hugging him
was a switch of confidence and assurance and blessing for me physically and emotionally
and we planned to stop at Jersey Freeze
but they weren't open yet when we got to Monroe :(
so we went to DeScoop in Pella instead :)
that afternoon our phone kept ringing and ringing with unrecognized numbers
i don't answer those
after a series of 7-8 of those i noticed there was a voice-mail
Lance had been trying to call us from a Mexican cellphone
and finally left a vmail that made me LOL because he knew why i wasn't answering
so i nearly jumped out of my dinner chair when a call came from an unknown number
3 hours later
and it . was . him!!! :) 10 minutes of his voice and pure joy on this end
that night i also received text and fb messages from those that had worked with Lance week 1
and i was able to celebrate the way he was truly the hands, feet and heart of Jesus in BAJA
Sunday, June 24
home church - music and sharing and reading
i wasn't going anywhere
except for convenient care that afternoon - to get Avery's back some educated medical evaluation
i provided a "medical journal" of his experiences and treatments since May 26
as well as the underlying contextual fear of his unexplained abdominal abscess in 2008
they didn't treat him, no tests ordered
instead they would expedite a connection with a pediatric orthopedic surgeon in DSM to evaluate
i needed some clear guidance - he was leaving in 6 days for a mission trip in Kentucky
Monday, June 25
summer lunch with my 3 boys
and my sister and her 3 kids
and my grandma
at my mom's
enjoying the garden harvest
with a big pan of Dutch Mess :)
and quality conversation
Tuesday, June 26
drove Avery to downtown DSM to see the Dr
xrays showed some suspicious things in his lower vertebrae
come back tomorrow for an MRI
hello! - i do not like driving alone [especially with this underlying anxiety]
that night was Carver's swim meet in Newton
and along the way a conversation I will treasure forever
the boys were observing developments and big houses
i heard them reminding eachother what i tell them often that money doesn't make you happy
and there are many people who have lots of money, but don't make it obvious
because of the way they humbly share it
and then
Avery asked
"Mom, are we more successful now or when dad was working?"
of course i responded, "what do you think?"
and A&C both began generously sharing
about how we are more successful now
because dad is home :)
and i listened, and hung on every word i heard, and blinked the tears back
swim meet was HOT!!!
and then we were hungry
texted Grandma that we were going to Culver's in Newton before heading home
and she replied that unknown to her, Davis had call 911 from her house
and the cops had just left her house after following up on what they hoped was a prank call
CRAZINESS!
Wednesday, June 27
drove to DSM for Avery's MRI
i've never had one, but Grandma has had several
and was able to manage his expectations
fortunately Avery thought it was awesome
in fact, he slept through it
Thursday, June 28
drove to DSM for Avery's MRI results
normal!?
what a relief nothing seriously wrong!
and what a frustration that my son is still in unexplained pain?
i wept in the van
at this point i'm counting down the days til my household rock is home
Lance is such a stabilizing assuring presence in my every day
Avery wasn't able to practice baseball
so asked to go to Carver's swim meet with the family that was taking him
he took the notes
and Carver's new personal best times yet again!
i enjoyed Avery texting me the updates from the pool
Friday, June 29
cleaning day!
this house was going to look great when dad & Mason arrived on Saturday
big boys and i were working well as a team
it was HOT outside, so we were delighted to be in even if it involved housework
i let our dog outside to go potty
we transitioned our cleaning supplies to the basement
because the main floor was done! :)
as we got downstairs we saw Maxwell laying on the patio
unable to get up
and immediately i knew the day had arrived
for him to be put out of his misery
and the tears flowed and the voices yelled
as i called my parents for their urgent assistance in getting him to the vet
on the last day of my solo stretch
i watched the boys grieve each in their own way
but most of all i grieved myself
he was Lance & my first "kid"
Truffles had died in old age August 1999
and welcomed Maxwell home September 1999
then Avery was born 2 months later
Lance and I had talked for months that we might soon be faced with this decision
it was obvious, yet super hard to make that call on my own
the kids were more resilient than i
since he's been gone, i've noticed all the things that are different after 13 years with him:
no dog food all over the spare bedroom floor
toilet seats are down, because he doesn't need a drink
Davis eats without fending off the dog from the table
no putting the dog out before you go to bed
no urgency to get out of bed because of a pacing dog in the morning
closet door open because no fear of you chewing my shoes
door to cat litter and food is open since you're not here to try and eat it
the hallways seems wider without you sprawled across it all day
it sent Lance some texts for when he crossed the border into USA on friday
but he hadn't received those yet
so when he called
his ears were flooded with the 2 weeks of stories above in 20 minutes :)
Saturday, June 30
Avery left for Kentucky at 1:00p
Lance & Mason landed in DSM at 1:06p
they walked in the front door at 3:00p
and none of us will ever be the same again :)
Lance is a man of few words
but I'll see if I can encourage him to guest-blog
about "while he was away..." :)
some concluding observations
Lance goes to Walmart with the boys - i do not
Lance takes the boys fishing, archery, geocaching, late night biking - i do not
i make the boys earn their playtime with daily chores - Lance does not
i struggle to solve the daily "7 Little Words" puzzle without Lance's hints
i ate more carbs/calories than i care to count
despite the above, i still lost 0.5 pounds - probably because i wasn't sitting 10 hours/day
i finally admit Avery is clearly taller than me - 5'6" so he's grown like 6" in 6 months
Go Fish music and/or DVD played at least 10 hours each day
No matter what time you put Davis to bed, he will sleep at least 12+ hours :)
i like to get 8 hours of sleep starting sometime after midnight...
Davis gets the giggles - and sits at the dinner table at least 30 minutes longer than rest of us
despite the heat, Davis had no seizures while Lance was gone [answer to my prayers!]
Carver has the heart of a caregiver and i hope will share that as a nurse someday
Lance and i text more than i realized - and he gives great baseball and swim meet play-by-plays
i said alot of goodbyes and welcome homes in 3 weeks
i like to be the one at home - as the others are sent out
i fear traveling any distance without another adult
texting my family and friends is a very important lifeline of sanity and relationship connection for me!
i work so Lance can be home - such a cool blessing to the boys to have dad home
i work so we have the means to generously send people as hands, feet and heart of Jesus into the world
and i'm really delighted to have all those hands, feet and hearts safely back home until June 2013 :)
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