reflections from the field

the last 10 days have thrown some curveballs
this is life, not a game, but i like analogies
so these are the reflections from the field over the last 10 days

i feel like i've been in several positions
hitter
catcher
coach
bench
fan
runner
wondering if i've been the pitcher and thrown any curveballs?

team gathered on wed, feb 6 for davis iep mtg
it always makes me nervous
forces me to fully scout-out how things are going
current strengths:
davis is academically smart
great with numbers, letters, memory
a guaranteed big-bear hugger to all he meets
sparkling eyes and precious double-dimple smile
expressive conversation, sometimes with a humorous british-like accent
current concerns:
there is zero toilet-training progress
without warning he can plunge deep down into unmanageable bad behavior
school transitions next fall
unknown seizure future
     currently 14.1 weeks seizure-free, 5th longest stretch in 4.5 years
conclusion: optimistic
there is an incredibly strong team coaching and cheering for davis
teachers and family
very encouraged by options and conversations for future
brainstormed strategies for behavior challenges

fri, feb 8
unfavorable school behavior report regarding carver
let's classify this as a fly ball
popped back over the fence behind the catcher into the parent fan section
i didn't see it coming
you know that startling you've-got-my-attention heart-racing feeling?
i hope that doesn't happen again
he responded well to feedback
and resumed his kid-of-character position!

mon, feb 11
davis spent a large portion of preschool out of the classroom
he had struck out several times and needed to be benched
that's hard news to hear at the end of my workday
especially since i was still freshly filled with optimism from iep mtg
fortunately the next day was a homerun day for davis

i'm so glad that God designed our world with order
each day ends
and there's an opportunity for a fresh start the next day
just because you have a bad at-bat or inning or game or tournament or season
doesn't mean you don't show up and play/cheer your heart out with next opportunity

thurs, feb 14
my father-in-law who has just recovered from pneumonia
was transported by ambulance for suspected heart attack

fri, feb 15
on friday the heart attack was confirmed
he went in for an angiogram
and we were hopeful they would put stints in and be quickly on path to recovery
but by friday night, he was in emergency triple-bypass open heart surgery
this was a whole new ballgame
and at 11p surgeon pitched a fast curveball
heart was weaker than expected and recovery would be slower and longer

sat, feb 16
then hit by a stinging curveball pitch saturday morning
this one broke the dam of tears that had been trickling the previous 24 hours
one of our mvps was being sustained by machines
a balloon pumping his heart and a ventilator providing breaths
and that's how i arrived at my first experience with ICU
it's a somber setting
packs of family/friend units sprawled in the waiting areas
defending their territory
huge fan-base unable jump in and "play the game"
only watching from the sidelines
anticipating changes, waiting for updates, hoping for positive reports
dependent on medical technology and providers
     i'm in awe of people who dream to be an ICU nurse
     what an emotionally, mentally, physically demanding job
     i've blogged it before and i'll blog it again THANK YOU NURSES
fully dependent on God
     the hope we have from looking back, gives us faith to keep going
what's it like to be an ICU patient?
adults went in 2-by-2 throughout the day
as Lance & I stood by Bill's bedside you wonder how much will he remember
we couldn't talk to him yesterday because he became too agitated
my voice yearned to sing over him, to read and pray scripture over him
he is partially sedated
yet responds to nurse request for hand squeezes and toes to wiggle
he can't communicate due to the breathing tube
his hands are restrained so he doesn't pull out any of the vital support system
in a whisper, with a mask over my face (since i didn't get my flu shot this year)
i found myself in ICU having a conversation with my husband
about what i would want if i was in that situation
     i'd want familiar voices in my ear; keep reminding me why i'm here
     i'd want someone constantly holding my hand
     if you can't hug me, please hold my hand
we had planned for a date night friday night - but the venue got changed
outside in the waiting area
   i held my teeny tiny 3-week old niece, she's half the size davis was at birth :)
   and learned about willard water
   listened to life stories
   people-watched

near the end of the day
the crowd dwindled
and the reflections from the field flooded my mind
so i was eager for this post to
"dump the bucket"
it's something i say regularly
we each have an emotional bucket
it fills up with all sorts of things, sometimes slowly sometimes within moments
you have to dump it, or you'll unknowingly spill all over
and not be able to catch anything new
don't wait for it to fill up
you never know how much you might have to carry in the future
so maintain a margin of available space in your emotional bucket

bucket dumped
game on
-tvz