From Wallow to Wrestle

If I were to write a book
Which I've thought about
The title would be something like
From wallowing wanderer to wondering wrestler
What I've discovered
In the pit
The pit I've been thrown in
The pit I've slid into
The pit I've knowingly jumped into
In the valley of the shadow of death
In the valley of shocking reality
Is my need for silence
And the value of writing
Taking time to sort through the noise
To dig through the thoughts
And find the right words
That enable me to know
To productively wrestle
Rather than to keep wandering
Wallowing
Remunerating

Wrestling
Believe it or not, I actually like UFC
It's real
It's courageous and risky and vulnerable
(note I didn't say admirable)
And there's no middle ground
At the end you're either flat on your back
Or 2 arms raised in overcoming
As someone who medicates for anxiety
Who counters fear with conservative and safe
I think about the mental strength it takes a UFC wrestler to walk in that cage
To keep stepping into the center after each round
Until you're either flat on your back defeated
Or victoriously standing 2 arms raised

Posture
Sunday I took notes about posture
It was a wandering thought that I moved to wonder
Why do I raise 1 hand in worship rather than 2?
So then I raised 2
It's full surrender
Not holding on to anything
It changed my worship
And sometimes I stand
Stand firm in the grounded mountain pose
I learned at Holy Yoga
But then I found myself again worshipping with 1 hand raised
This time the other 1 either over my heart
Or open in front of me
A posture I remembered from a healing conference

Words, the perfectly chosen word
That comes from the wrestling
Are data points for me
And I'm uniquely gifted with the strength
To paint a mural from few data points
To see a pattern early and solve a riddle
It's a God-given strength
Which means He has it too
That's an energizing connection for me
Difference is He has that strength perfectly

Words come when I don't have paper or pen
Or phone for dictation
aka when I'm in the shower
So then I'm forced to lose the value to wander
Or wrestle it to paper through intentional wonder

So I challenge us to write
Wondering wrestling to find the words
Write them down
Words
No sentence structure needed
Write the same word repeatedly if you need to
Words become a data point for you
Or a data point for someone else
Who will help connect the dots for you
The words become tools in your toolbox
The missing pieces in your puzzle of knowing and being known

-tvz
8.31.2016