it all started with bangs...

yes
i cut probably 8 inches off my bangs
by myself
no big deal
it's just hair

this past monday
coworker drops by my office
"oh wow, you got bangs!"
"makes you look so youthful!"
"like 39 and holding..."

i quickly interrupted with
"not 39, not my 30s"
"i actually like my 40s better"

which led us into a fabulous conversation
about life through the decades
and finding ourselves
and relationships
and marriages, and divorces
and when to have children
and different social norms in different regions
etc
and it all started with bangs :)

so, some random insight into my decade chapters
headlines could be
0-9 unconscious control
10-19 necessary experiences
20-29 aggressive achievement
30-39 vulnerable pits
40-43+ passion to thrive

before i give you a bit more on each
Davis has prompted a new pet peeve in me
when he {too often} refers to something that happened
"back in the 1900s?!"
seriously?!
STOP the madness
"like, were you born in the 1900s?!"
yes
"were you married in the 1900s?!"
yes
just stop
ugh

0-9 unconscious control
oldest child
swallowed many things i shouldn't have
that prompted my mother to call the dr regularly
sister 2 years younger
my dad was killed in the line of duty
when i was 4.5 and my sister 2.5
my mom was 3 months pregnant with my brother
she has fascinating stories
about how i responded
how i took the lead towards establishing normalcy
[perhaps a future guest blog post from my mom]
i spent many saturday nights
at Christian's Alone
a group my mom started
specifically for Christian singles, some with children
it's where i first met and had a crush on my now husband
my mom married a bachelor
from tulsa, oklahoma
when i was 8
the charismatic city guy
with aspirations for sales and computers
became an amazing husband to my mom
and phenomenal dad to me and my siblings
despite some seasons of nightmares
i transitioned to double-digits
with a sense of confident control
and an enjoyment of being in-the-know

{tvz life goal: epitomize the character of my 3 parents}

10-19 necessary experiences
wow
just wow
life stages that are necessary
in 5th grade i wanted to become a judge
but i don't enjoy formal learning
so the prospect of law school
quickly squashed that aspiration
but at that age already
i had strongly held {and justified} philosophies
especially in favor of the death penalty
{see 0-9 adverse childhood experience aka ACE}
and believed i could influence...
so i settled into a path to pursue accounting
actually, accounting had nothing to do with influence
i'm good at math
i had zero aspiration to teach
didn't want to be an actuary locked in a cube
so accounting it was
i played volleyball, basketball, and softball
until cost/time/benefit equation no longer seemed worth it
so my first-ever interview was with Marilyn May over breakfast
to become an employee of The Mayflower (flower shop)
i continued on as a florist thru college
i dated a wide array guys
i was and am a rule follower
but i often stretched the rules as far as possible
i was in every school play
and enjoyed everything theatre and speech
i did not enjoy camping or family vacationing
rediscovered my now husband
the summer between high school and college
while cruising the strip in oskaloosa on saturday night
and cruising the pella square the following sunday night
ignorant, yet confident, bliss

20-29 aggressive achievement
Bethel College is where i discovered what i believed and why
got engaged Christmas of my sophomore year
transferred away from Bethel after 2 life-shaping years
married Christmas of my junior year
our family dog came along with me, including in wedding photos
bought a house in Newton
cost accounting internship with Precision Pulley
accepted full-time accounting with Pella Corporation
before i graduated from Central College
promoted
traveled
sold house in Newton as that economy was booming
making it possible to afford buying a house in Pella
our dear Truffles died of old age
and we picked out Maxwell (gordon setter)
and took him to obedience classes while i was pregnant
became a mom at age 24
might still be in finance at Pella Corp
if not for some influential conversations from advocate leaders
transitioned from finance to a promotion in marketing
living the dream
missions accomplished
aspired less travel
leveraged my network and conversations and advocate leaders
for promotion to human resources
and by age 28 was the mom of 2 sons
comfortably confident
i was "a rock... and a rock feels no pain, and an island never cries"

30-39 vulnerable pits
early in my 30s
my sense of control and bliss
was shattered
and a girlfriend cared enough
to essentially force me
into intensive counseling
where i released everything
that i'd been holding on to
where every wall i'd built to protect
had to be acknowledged
and torn down
forgiveness
and grace
grace got me!
my dad happened to be preaching at our church
on a most pivotal sunday
where he opened with
"how are you really? how are you REALLY?"
and since then i will great you with hello as we pass by
but i will never ask, "how are you?"
or unless i am able to invest in the "really" part of that question
throughout my 30s i feel as though i lost so much
but gained so much more
it was the most difficult stage of our marriage (years 10-20)
we were surprised to be expecting our 3rd son
Avery had health challenges
that included emergency exploratory surgery
Lance and i were both professionally impacted
by the depressed housing industry
resulting in Lance unexpectedly losing his finish carpentry job
and me navigating organizational restructuring at Pella Corp
Davis was almost gone in the ER
but then life flighted to Des Moines
while Lance & I were attending a concert
and then I had gallbladder attack and removal
we vacationed to Cocoa Beach for Christmas
as we had done and continued to do each even year
Davis seizure disorder became well documented
in the excel spreadsheet where i hoped to crack-the-code
and there was a Beth Moore study about "exclamation-mark living"
and an Andy Stanley video study about living with margin
stay-cation days used to prepare freezer meals
broken bones, and surgery, and concussions for Avery
and concern for our Carver
in the midst of the demands we had with Avery and Davis
mission trips to Baja - for Lance, Mason, and Carver
Mason. he's like a 4th, yet oldest, son to our family
who is woven tightly into the fabric of our stories
ever since he was 16, til now, age 29
i learned how to make beaded dragonflies
but more importantly i learned the importance of story
and generously sharing hope
yet i had panic attacks
and trial persisted
for me, and one of my best friends
i learned things i couldn't have imagined
and navigated the valleys, the pits, of life
that sometimes we slide into
sometimes we jump into
and sometimes we are thrown into
through it all
it was well with my soul
my empathy grew exponentially
my grace became generous
i relinquished control
and celebrated the spontaneous
promptings
that becoming keenly known
when you are vulnerable
and radically transparent

40-43+ passion to thrive
and here i am
approaching 44
aspiring to be know for character i admire
available, "safe", approachable
generous, forgiving, caring
influencing, thinking, inspiring
confidential, trusted, confidant
celebrating "smalls", laughing out loud
transparent
intentional
connected
-tvz

"we are made to more than just to survive
we are made to thrive"

"And oh, the overwhelming, never-ending,
reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down,
fights 'til I'm found, leaves the ninety-nine
There's no shadow You won't light up
Mountain You won't climb up
Coming after me
There's no wall You won't kick down
Lie You won't tear down
Coming after me"

"fear is a liar"

“There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle” –AE

“Go forward in life
with a twinkle in your eye
and a smile on your face,
but with great and strong purpose in your heart” – GBH

HOPE.
STRENGTH.
PATIENCE.
VICTORY!
 – all possible
because
God
so loved
the world
that He gave.
Jn 3:16