stuck. stalled. seeking distraction.

stuck
over thinking over analyzing

this post is severely delayed
the first prompting
was the 1st Sunday of Lent (3/10)
the 2nd prompting
was last week Sunday (3/24)
and here I am at 9:09 pm on 3/31
stalling
seeking distraction
there's clearly a reason, or perhaps several
why i'm stuck

I don't actively participate in Lent
by giving anything up for a season
but this year I felt prompted
to give up the thoughts, words, analogies, stories
to weekly release them
from my mind
and onto this blog

but obviously i didn't the 1st week
and then the 2nd week
I rationalized that i hadn't
and therefore I wasn't going to

until the 3rd week
when I absolutely positively
knew what I was going to write and release
but chose to nap instead
and the thoughts i was prompted to share
evaporated

now it's a battle of sorts
a stronghold that I'm clinging control of
I'd rather play a game on my phone
or file our taxes
seriously seeking distraction

I want to tell you about (in no particular order):
1. my journey of yes with the Pella Youth Coalition
2. why I put a stop to consuming fiction over a decade ago
3. what I learned at a brief overview of poverty training at The Well
4. the movie Wonder Park
5. the video of the bulldog climbing into the chair
6. being a bread-winner wife
7. when my son had his first concussion, and his second...
8. the things from GLS that i never finished posting
9. dumping your bucket
and as I'm making this {accountability} list
I'm hoping I'll be prompted on what/how to release today
this 4th Sunday of Lent...

if physically possible
my passion
is to sit across a table
with you
1-1
in a safe place {I could write about the significance of that phrase}
it is my aspiration
to be a safe person
safe for your heart, mind, and spirit (regardless your religiosity)
for the place we meet to be a physically and emotionally safe space
for you and for me

i will have a notebook
currently my notebook has a dragonfly on it {yet another blog topic}
the color of my felt pen differs every day
as do the glasses i'll be wearing (i'm a zennioptical fan favorite)

i like to write as i listen
i write the phrases of the stories you share
the visual, the feelings, that i don't want to forget
i write the questions, thoughts i have as you talk
that i may or may not ever ask or share with you
as i certainly don't want to interrupt you
but i also don't want to lose what you prompted inside of me
or the dots you connected for me
or the ah-ha ideas you inspired in me
i will completely lose track of time
as my strength of "maximizer" will take over
and we will linger in the real stories of life
until one of us has a commitment that we must leave for
and we may (regularly scheduled or spontaneous)
or may not
meet again

there's never an agenda
either you prompt me
or i prompt you
with an invitation
but either way
we both choose
to
show up
and share
stories
"...stories define us even more than our genes do."

and if we can't meet face-to-face
we may facebook message or text for an hour

so that brings me to a place of invitation
as one of the influencers and planners with the Pella Youth Coalition
i've been personally entrusted 1-1 with the real stories some have shared
each life journey grows my passion, my knowledge, my empathy
if you're the mom, or like-a-mom, to a child, teen, or 20-something adult
who's playing in the fire of risky choices with mind-altering substances
i'm prompted to invite us together
there's currently 12+ of you that i've connected with 1-1
and i know there are several more
i want you to have the opportunity to come together
know that you're not alone
in this town, more are in a journey with no clear end than most realize
i have no idea what day or what time
but i do not want to meet at a church
i'm most consistently available 3p-5p M-F and Saturday mornings
and periodic M-W evenings/nights
i get nervous about if being together will meet your expectations
yet that's never a thought that crosses my mind in a 1-1
and the number of stories in our community exceed my available hours
to feasibly connect 1-1 regularly
so i'm launching vaguely
private message me via facebook, instagram, or text
if this is relevant for you

11:11pm publishing
as i over-analyze and over-think
and consider scrapping sections of this
but i won't
so there it is
eek
#myleastconfidentblogpostever
#sorrymyLentpromptingmademedoit
-tvz